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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Two countries divided by a common language...



and a serious lack of good breakfast.

So I've been here, in London, for a little over two months now and
definitely feel that I have acclimated to the surroundings and culture. I
now call my sneakers/trainers, the elevator/the lift, the bathroom/the loo
(no wait... I still say bathroom) and my stocking cap is a beanie. I no
longer go pee, I go wee and all girls are birds. I can successfully
navigate the tube and the buses after the locals have poured 300 beers and a shot of Sambuca down my throat and I can put the hurt on a plate of fish and chips.


When I first got here I couldn't understand a damn word anybody was
saying, especially when they got drunk. It sounds like they have a
mouthful of baked beans, which in fact they probably do.

Since being here I have learned that the British have an unnatural
affinity for Heinz baked beans.
I guess a can of Heinz baked beans goes with every type of food, at any
time of day and is even a delicious meal all by itself.

On more than one occasion, I have seen students at the University happily
eating an entire can of cold baked beans for lunch. Feeling bad for one of
these poor unfortunate college students, who was actually a friend of
mine, I offered to buy him lunch. He gave me a confused yet satisfied look
and said he already had lunch and then offered to buy me lunch as he
smiled and pulled out another can of beans from his bag. I respectfully
declined and decided to save the cold bean eating for the next time I'm
out camping and am really drunk or for when I don't have any money and
haven't eaten in like three days.

For seventy-one days and counting, I have been waking up slightly past
noon and venturing out into the grey, wet, urban, breakfast barren tundra
that is London in search of anything that might resemble an omelette or a
pancake. I have since discovered many a breakfast phenomena that will
haunt me in my sleep for years to come. Here is a brief list of my
findings.

Heinz baked beans on toast.
Need I say more?

Egg sandwich with bacon.
Sounds like breakfast right? Well the English are a slippery breed of
people. I have ordered this meal about 13 times now in hopes that I will
get a breakfast sandwich but am deceived every time. Pure disappointment
when I am given an Egg Salad sandwich with bacon strips in it. I don't
even like Egg Salad sandwiches much less as my first meal of the day.

The Traditional English Breakfast.
If I wanted to end it all and have a massive heart attack this would
definitely be my silver bullet. About six different types of meat ranging
from bacon, sausage, ham, steak, ribs, mutton and what ever else they can
chop up, out back. Accompanied with a couple eggs, potatoes, mushrooms,
tomato (pronounced tomaaaaato), and then covered in ketchup.

Thick cut strips of bacon with melted cheddar on top.
Ok, this isn't really breakfast, but one day I was out on my quest for
breakfast and decided to ease my brain and stop in at a sports pub to
watch some NFL. Famished from not eating breakfast in like three years, I
took a peak at the appetizer menu and was accosted by this monstrosity.

Anyway, I have started to get the feeling that my mission is doomed and
think I'll have better luck trying to find the Abdominal Snowman or giving
The Queen a piggyback ride.

Cheers to everybody back in MPLS.
r
Brought to you by Rick Hundley

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